


Soulvines

by st_jimmy_987



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blood, F/M, Hanahaki's disease, M/M, Miscommunication, Soulmates, coughing up flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 10:14:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13187961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_jimmy_987/pseuds/st_jimmy_987
Summary: In which Soulmates exist, Gabriel discovers Sam is his soulmate...and that Sam doesn't believe in Soulmates.





	Soulvines

**Author's Note:**

> For the SPN AU Big Bang 2017

He’d known Sam was his soulmate since he was four years old. The Winchesters had always lived next door, and he and Dean were born a couple of months apart. The boys had many play dates and sleep overs, especially since their houses were so close to one another Gabriel could jump from his open window into the room right across from his.

He could do it. He’d done it for a whole year and a half, and only stopped because they made Dean’s room into baby Sammy’s room.

But the point- - -

He was the first of his family to see the baby; Michael and Luke didn’t want anything to do with their own baby brother, already three months old, let alone the neighbors. And Dean didn’t mind Gabriel coming over anyway, even if all he did was peek at the baby for the first hour or so.

“Baby Sammy, you’re getting so pretty.” He murmured, trailing his fingers through the sleeping newborn’s hair gently. It made Sam whimper just a bit, shifting and opening his eyes. They darted around the room before landing on Dean and Gabriel, and Gabriel unconsciously held his breath in anticipation.

Little Sam opened his mouth and _wailed_ , and the boys scrambled backwards in a panic.

They glanced at each other, both with wide eyes and gaped mouths, before turning and bolting out of the room. They made it around the corner, peering back as Mary appeared and entered the room. Hearing her coo softly at Sam, trying to calm him down, made something twist in Gabriel’s stomach. He barely glanced at Dean as he walked forward, going back into the room where Mary was holding a sniffling Sam and bouncing him in her arms.

“Hi, Gabriel.” She said. Gabriel waved shyly, eyes not leaving the baby. Mary smiled, beckoning him to go over. He crossed the room, sitting himself down on the rocking chair next to the window easily. Mary knelt down with a little grimace, but still smiling as she tilted Sam to see him. “Say hi, Sam.”

Sam’s mouth opened and closed a bit without any sound coming out, his lips making a soft smacking sound as they pressed together. Gabriel felt himself smile at him anyway; he’d take that as his greeting.

“Do you want to hold him, Gabriel?”

“Yes!” Gabriel said, too quickly, and he flushed a bit at his enthusiasm. He never wanted to hold Castiel as eagerly as he wanted to hold Sam, and he held his arms out the way his mom had shown him when it was his turn to hold his own brother. Mary chuckled a bit, but deposited Sam into his arms as promised; Gabriel stared down at him with wide eyes, noting how heavy Sam was in his arms and yet how tiny he was against him.

Sam shifted a bit at the change of arms, but he didn’t complain. Instead, his eyes trailed up the side of Gabriel’s face, skirting over his head and then into Gabriel’s own eyes. Then he glanced at Mary, then around the room. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything for very long, even though he was already almost a month old and had been home for a week. Gabriel watched with quiet fascination as Sam let out a little whine and shifted, arm moving so that it whacked him right in the nose.

“Ouch!” Gabriel made a face, leaning back away from the offending arm. It didn’t hurt, not really, but it surprised him; he hadn’t expected Sam to lash out like that.

“Sam!” Mary said, laughing just a little at the way her son twitched and gently taking hold of his hand in hers.

“He didn’t mean it!” Gabriel said earnestly, tightening his hold on the baby just a little. Sam didn’t know any better, and he didn’t want the baby to get in trouble for something he couldn’t quite control yet. “It was a accident, Mrs. W., honest!”

“He’s not in trouble, Gabriel.” Mary said gently, but her eyes had moved; she rubbed her thumb against Sam’s tiny little wrist, moving the fabric of his sleeve to look at something intently.

Gabriel felt his breath catch in his chest when Mary reached out with her other hand and took Sam away from him. Cradling him with one arm against her chest, Mary smiled more warmly at Gabriel than the four year old had ever seen before.

“Why don’t you go play with Dean?” Mary said gently, ushering Gabriel with her free hand. He wanted to protest, to hold Sam some more, but Mary was an adult and his mom told him that if he couldn’t listen, he would have to go back home.

“Ok.” He said sulkily, making Mary laugh just a bit as she kneeled again to his level. Positing her hands so that she was holding Sam’s body and his head, Mary turned Sam to face Gabriel again. Sam let out a little huff of breath, smacking Gabriel in the face again.

Gabriel took his little hand in his own, and leaned forward so that he could press a big kiss against Sam’s cheek. He didn’t ever really hold Castiel much, but Gabriel gave Castiel kisses all the time, especially if his mom was telling him to leave the baby alone so he could nap.

So he gave Sam a big kiss on his cheek before turning and following Mary’s instructions.

XxX

“Gabriel,” Mary had said gently right before he left their house for the day, “did you say anything to Sam?”

“Well…” He said awkwardly, looking at the door to his own house. Gabriel deliberated what to do; he didn’t want to get Dean in trouble, because they were supposed to have left Sam alone so he could take his nap. On the other hand, he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t, because his mom would get mad at him for lying and she might not let him come over to play with Dean anymore.

“I’m not mad, Gabriel,” Mary said, “I just need to know.”

“I said he was pretty.” Gabriel admitted quietly. Mary smiled warmly and ruffled his hair; Gabriel smiled back at her, only turning away when his mom called him for dinner.

XxX

The argument was loud enough to be heard by Dean and Gabriel even from Dean’s treehouse, and Gabriel wondered if the adults forgot they built it so close to the houses. He and Dean glanced at each other and, simultaneously, shuffled forward as quietly as they possibly could. It was Mary’s voice they heard clearly first, loud and angry and nearly beside herself.

“I don’t understand why you would want to keep the boys apart. They’re Soulmates, for crying out loud. Surely that would mean we should be pushing them together!”

“Mary,” came the calming voice of Chuck, Gabriel’s father, “let’s think rationally, ok? They’re children now. They don’t need to be burdened with this so young in their lives. Gabriel is only four!”

“It isn’t a burden to be with your soulmate.” Mary shot back. “There are plenty of Soulmates who were lucky enough to have each other from childhood. Our boys have that with each other! We can’t separate them now.”

“It’s not your decision,” Gabriel’s mother, Rachel, said. Her voice wasn’t loud like Mary’s was, so Gabriel could barely hear her, but it wasn’t calm in the way his father’s was either. “Gabriel is too young for such a choice. He shouldn’t have to bear the burden of a soulmate at so young an age.”

“Having a soulmate is not a bad thing.” Mary said. There was still anger in her voice, but now she was sounding tearful as well. “They could be so happy together if you would let them.”

“The way you and John are happy together?” There was a screeching sound and the slamming of a cup; Gabriel’s mother had stood abruptly in the dining room, her voice simmering with more rage than Gabriel had ever heard from his mom. “I will not subject my child to something like that just because of some silly words on your son’s wrist, Mary Winchester.”

“That has nothing- - -”

“It is everything and you know it.” She snarled. “Chuck and I may not be Soulmates, but we love each other fiercely and we make our marriage work. Gabriel and the rest of our sons will be willing to put in the same effort once they get older. They will not bow to the whim of some silly little notion that believes it knows better than they what they would want in a partner.”

“You shouldn’t be forcing them to follow in your footsteps if they don’t want to.” Mary’s voice was shaking now; it sounded like she was crying. Gabriel felt bad for saying anything. Mary was cool, as cool as an adult can be to a four year old, and he never wanted to make her upset. “John and I have our issues, yes, but we work through them. Our marriage is just as much work as yours, but we’re so much happier than we would be with other people. If you would just give our boys a chance- - -”

“Our decision is final, Mary.” She said coldly. “You will not change our mind on this.” There was a prolonged silence, where Gabriel and Dean leaned as far forward as they could without falling out of the treehouse, trying to hear if anything else was being said in the house.

“Gabriel!” Chuck called out the window, and the boys nearly fell out of the tree. Scrambling backwards, they hid themselves out of sight just as Chuck appeared in the backyard. He looked tired, rolling his head around as his gaze went straight to the treehouse. “It’s time to come home, Gabriel.”

“It’s not even dark yet!” Gabriel yelled back, huddling with Dean against the wall. There was two entrances to the treehouse, one from each of their backyards, but the adults wouldn’t come up to it; they called their children down, and usually they listened.

But the argument made something feel heavy in Gabriel’s chest, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if he went down like his father wanted. He clung to Dean instead, both boys holding on tightly to one another as they stared at the entrance from Gabriel’s backyard.

“I know, Gabriel.”

“You promised until dark!” Gabriel shouted back. He pushed himself tightly against the wall, as if he could merge with it through pure determination. “You said I could play with Dean until dark. It’s not dark yet!”

“I know, Gabriel.” Chuck sounded more tired than he looked, and Gabriel shuffled as little as he could to peer out the window. His dad was rubbing his temples, one hand on his hip, as he sighed. “We changed our minds. We want you back in the house now, please.”

“Don’t go.” Dean said quietly. Gabriel pressed his lips together tightly, giving his friend a watery look as he gently pulled himself away. Trying not to cry, but knowing that tears were falling down his face anyway, Gabriel grabbed onto the rope that would lower him down into his yard.

He landed on the ground, his hands burning and bright red, right in front of his dad. Chuck looked down at him and smiled sadly, bending down and picking up his son easily. He started talking, but Gabriel wasn’t listening; as they walked back to the house, he looked at Dean and waved goodbye.

XxX

Gabriel wasn’t really give the chance to hang out with Dean for the rest of the summer. After his mother’s argument with Mary, all the Novak boys were enrolled in summer activities. Michael decided on baseball, joining the eight year old division of the junior league. Luke decided against following his brother and was enrolled in mixed martial arts instead, resulting in more broken lamps than could be accounted for.

Gabriel couldn’t decide what he wanted to do, aside from play with Dean. His mom was very adamant about not letting him, though, and Gabriel was forced to choose something.

He didn’t want to do baseball, or mixed martial arts. His mom suggested football, but he wasn’t interested in that, either. His dad said basketball, but Gabriel wasn’t convince that basketball was the sport for him. They both thought that maybe gymnastics, and Gabriel managed that for two weeks before he decided he didn’t want to do that either.

They were heading to pick up Luke from his class when Gabriel saw a colorful sign he hadn’t noticed before. He’d pointed it out to his mom, intrigued, and they walked in to look at it before they had to pick Luke up.

Gabriel was instantly enthralled by the environment in the building. There were groups of people, ranging from three to seven, huddled together in various areas. Some where singing and dancing, others were just talking, some where showing off costumes and weapons and small little objects. Everyone looked excited, and Gabriel felt himself drawn to a hallway that led to a giant stage.

“Mom.” He called loudly, running up to it and struggling to jump on. A couple people on the stage laughed, but they reached down and pulled him up anyway. Gabriel stared up at the girl holding him, looking with wide eyes at her makeup and hair style as his mom came into the room behind him

In an instant, he knew what he wanted to do.

For the rest of the summer, Gabriel was enrolled in a theater program that took up much of his free time, and so he wasn’t able to play with Dean or see Sam any more.

XxX

At five years old, Gabriel sat quietly beside the door to the bathroom, listening as Michael soothed their mother the best he could while their dad was at work. She seemed to be thankful for the attention her eldest son put on her, but Gabriel couldn’t hear anything she said over the sound of hacking coughs and the splash of something hitting the toilet.

He wasn’t entirely sure what happened, really. His mother had gone out with Castiel one day while she waited to pick up her sons; after a couple of weeks, she started coughing. It was just a little at first, just small sounds that were easily ignored.

But then it got worse, and she was coughing all the time. Gabriel would watch, wide eyed and slightly terrified, as Rachel drove with one hand over her mouth, her shoulders wracking with the motions. He could hear his mother crying at night, crying and coughing and talking to someone he couldn’t see or hear.

The whole situation was weird for Gabriel, because he was old enough to know something was wrong but still too little to know what exactly was happening. Michael hovered around their mother, and Luke kept shutting himself into his room, and their father was trying to keep them all together while getting caught up at work a lot.

Gabriel ended up watching Castiel a lot. His baby brother was already a year old, which helped a little bit; Gabriel didn’t have to warm any bottles, but he could feed Castiel his baby food and play with him to keep him occupied. His theater group was doing a play about Aladdin, and Gabriel was supposed to play the Genie. He would sit Castiel down and say his lines, showing off in an attempt to keep his brother out of Rachel’s hair.

At night, when Chuck was putting Castiel to sleep, Gabriel would creep to the guest bedroom where their mother was sleeping now, sitting outside of her room and listening to her coughs getting harsher and wetter. He never cried, but he rubbed his chest in sympathy as his mom cried and shifted in agony. She didn’t seem to want to get better, and Gabriel listened at her room every night for a year as she got worse and worse.

When he was almost six, his mother died.

XxX

When Gabriel was twelve years old, he ran into Sam again for the first time since they were babies.

He was walking home from school with Kali and Donnie, two kids from his class and his theater group, the trio planning on getting home and watching the newest episode of Supergirl, when he ran into the Winchesters again.

Of course, he’d seen Sam and Dean around; they lived next door, it was impossible not to see Dean or Sam, or even Mary or John. Still, there wasn’t much interaction between them aside from quick waves and ‘hello’s. It had been some time since his mother had died, but Chuck seemed to want to uphold her wish to keep her boys away from the Winchesters. The boys were kept very busy, and Gabriel hadn’t had the time for his old friend.

Still, he’d seen them often enough to recognize them, and something in his chest flared when he recognized Sam from behind, stepping backwards. It got worse when he saw two of the junior high boys advancing on him, and no Dean in sight.

“Gabe, we’re going to miss the show.” Kali hissed when he took a step forward. She grabbed his arm and Gabriel glanced back at her; but he shook her off and kept stepping forward. Supergirl could wait; it wasn’t nearly as important as Sam.

“Hey!” He yelled, catching all of their attention. Sam whirled around, staring at him with wide eyes and a trembling mouth. Kali pulled him back again, but he shook her off once again. “Got a problem?”

“What’s it to ya?” The biggest of them asked, and Gabriel paused. He really had no reason to be so protective of Sam, he was just their neighbor as far as the Winchester was concerned, but he didn’t see Dean anywhere and he couldn’t let Sam get ganged up on by himself; soulmate or not, it was a shitty thing to do and Gabriel wouldn’t let himself just be a passerby.

“Doesn’t matter.” He said, trying to sound tougher than them. Gabriel recognized them vaguely; the leader, standing just a bit behind his lackeys, was Azazel from his math class. He wouldn’t fight, because he never did. Azazel was the kind of kid who got other kids to fight and bully others for him. Gabriel hated him with a passion. “Back off of him. Now.”

“Oooh, is that the beginning of a crush I hear?” The other lackey leered. “Looking kinda young, aintcha, Gabriel. Kid can’t be more than four.”

“I’m eight!” Was Sam’s outraged cry, but it was lost in the midst of a small shove that sent him stumbling back.

Kali didn’t even try to hold him back a third time; Gabriel roared and lunged forward, knocking into the biggest lackey with no fear. Donnie yelled in delight and followed his lead, pushing the other boy to the ground.

Both sets of boys rolled on the ground, fighting for purchase. Gabriel was doing a bit better than Donnie from what he could hear; Donnie was bigger and stronger than Gabriel, but Gabriel sparred with Luke a lot. He was a tougher opponent than he looked, and he used that to pummel this kid into the ground.

“Gabriel, _stop_!” That was Sam’s voice, yanking him out of his rage with two words and a burning sensation on his arm. Gabriel pulled himself back, panting and brushing his hair out of his eyes. His mouth stung, and his eye was throbbing. The lackey he’d been beating on was stumbling just a bit, tugging his friend away from where he was fighting Donnie.

“Well, well.” Azazel mused, and Gabriel snarled at him; he’d stayed out of the fight, like a coward, like Gabriel had known he would, and was now looking between Gabriel and Sam with an interested expression.

“Fucking back off.” Gabriel growled, and everyone around him gasped in surprise. Even Azazel looked mildly impressed, and he turned to walk away without saying anything else.

“That was stupid.” Kali said, after the other group had vanished down the street. “Look at you guys. You look ridiculous.” She sounded upset, but Gabriel only barely heard her. He turned to Sam, who was watching him with wide eyes and an intense expression.

“You ok, kid?” He asked, and he practically saw the kid’s face fall for a brief second.

“Yea, I’m fine.” Same said, scuffing his toe against the sidewalk.

“Good.” Gabriel nodded at his house. “Better get back home before Dean comes by. Don’t want your big brother knowing you almost got in a fight, ok?”

“I could’ve handled it.” Sam muttered quietly.

“I know, kiddo.” Gabriel ruffled his hair, smiling down at the surprised look on Sam’s face. “But this way, you didn’t have to. Don’t forget, Sammy, you’ve always got me on your side when your brother is too much.”

“Gabe- _riel_!” Kali yelled from his house. With a sheepish grin at Sam, Gabriel loped his way up, pretending he couldn’t feel the slight burning on his arm.

XxX

After that, he seemed to run into Sam much more often. It was odd; Sam would wave at him from his car while Dean and an older man- - -not John, curiously- - -grabbed last minute things in the morning. Or he’d see Sam walking from the elementary school, no Dean in sight, and Gabriel would make himself walk just a little faster so he could catch up with the kid.

Each time he acknowledged Sam in anyway seemed to brighten the kid’s day a lot, Gabriel noticed. He was quiet at eight in a way Dean never was, and he was painfully shy. Sam didn’t seem to have any other friends, just kept sticking to his books and Gabriel whenever the elder was around.

“Hey, Sammy,” Gabriel commented one day on their walk home, catching Sam’s attention from where he was glowering at the ground. Gabriel was flushed still, his heart thudding rapidly in his chest; Kali had pulled him to the side after school, and kissed his cheek shyly before slugging his arm and running away.

“What.” Sam said flatly, and Gabriel didn’t notice; he was still feeling the press of Kali’s soft lips against his cheek, and he didn’t realize he’d had to walk extra fast to catch up with Sam today.

“You got anyone you like?” He asked, and Sam instantly flushed red, a much darker red than Gabriel was. Gabriel noticed that, of course; he poked Sam’s cheek, laughing when the younger boy shrugged him off irritably. “You do! Who is it, kiddo? What cute little girl’s caught your eye, Sammy?”

“Quit it!” Sam shoved him away, but Gabriel didn’t realize how upset he sounded; he was back to thinking about Kali, though his own mood had dampened just a little. She wasn’t his soulmate, but he liked her a whole lot. She was nice, once you got to know her properly, and she made Gabriel laugh and even though she didn’t help fight Azazel like Donnie did, she could hold her own in a fight.

“Hey, Sammy.”

“What do you want Gabriel?” Sam sounded irritated, and Gabriel finally picked up on his snappy mood. He put just a couple of inches of space between them, wondering exactly what Mary had told him of their connection. “What do you think about Soulmates?”

Sam’s hand instantly went to his arm, something Gabriel noticed as well. He wanted to mimic the touch, but he didn’t want to give himself away; he and Sam shared a soulmark placement because they were Soulmates, but not everyone had soulmarks on their arms.

“They’re stupid.” Sam said decisively, and Gabriel felt his breach catch just a little. “I don’t get why we have to have Soulmates.”

“Do you know who your soulmate is?” Gabriel asked after a moment.

“A real jerk.” Sam said, his tone making no room for argument. Gabriel winced a bit at that, forcing a smile onto his face as they approached their houses. He stopped at the edge of Sam’s walkway, watching like he always did as Sam ran up the steps to his house and slam the door shut. Then he made his way to his own house, closing the door quietly and laying backwards on his bed.

He wasn’t thinking about Kali anymore; instead, Gabriel worried his lip and rubbed his chest, wondering what he was going to do if Sam hated him.

XxX

He didn’t really see Sam much after that; the elementary school got out at least ten minutes before the junior high school, and apparently that ten minutes have Sam enough of a head start to evade Gabriel. It wasn’t as though Gabriel was trying very hard to keep up with Sam anyway; he’d started hanging back to walk with Kali, though Donnie joined them every now and then to Gabriel’s house.

He wondered if he and Kali could be considered dating or not; they held hands around school and he would walk her to her classes, and they passed notes in the classes they shared together.

He asked Michael, because Michael was the oldest and if anyone would know, it would be him.

“Do you like Kali enough to be dating her?” Michael asked him seriously. Gabriel shrugged, laying upside down on Luke’s bed. Their chosen summer activities from so long ago had stuck with them, so they were waiting for Chuck to come back from picking Luke up from his martial arts class. Luke’s class always ran the latest, and he was a purple belt now. He had extra practices because of his rank, and he did lots of competitions.

“I dunno.” Gabriel said when Michael didn’t say anything else. “She’s cool, I guess. But…”

“Does she have her own soulmate?” Michael asked gently. Gabriel’s eyes shifted to the side; since he and Kali were both in theater, and been in a lot of productions, they’d seen each other in various states of undressed. Gabriel had ‘ _Gabriel, stop!_ ’ on his arm, which Sam had already said a couple of weeks ago.

Kali had ‘ _What’s a pretty thing like you doing in a dump like this?_ ’ on her lower back. Gabriel hadn’t said that to her; he wasn’t sure what he even said first to her, but it wasn’t that.

“Yea.” Gabriel said. “But she doesn’t know what they’re going to say to her. It’s on her back, you know. She can’t see it, and she doesn’t want to see it.”

“Well.” Michael stopped and looked up at him with dark eyes. Gabriel squirmed a bit, but he didn’t move. “Do you want to wait for Sam?”

Gabriel’s breath caught. It was the first time Sam had been acknowledged openly as his soulmate since the summer Gabriel had turned four. H didn’t think anyone would ever say that Sam was his soulmate; it made shivers go down his spine, and a grin twitch on his mouth before he could stop it.

Did he want to wait for Sam? He was still so little; Sam was almost nine, but Gabriel had turned thirteen a month ago. He was almost going to be in high school, and Sam still had another two years in elementary. Did he really want to be hanging around a kid for his first two years of high school?

“Gabriel,” Michael rolled over to him, putting his hands on Gabriel’s face. Gabriel sobered up, not realizing until that moment that he was still smiling like an idiot; Michael looked too serious for jokes, though, his mouth twisted downwards. “I know you’re still too little to decide, but you need to make this decision carefully. It’ll affect your entire life, and this is something to seriously consider. Don’t throw this away on a childish whim, but don’t hold onto this forever if you don’t think it’s going to go anywhere. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Michael,” Gabriel said dutifully, and Michael shook his face.

“This is more than just hanging around an elementary school kid, Gabe.” He said. “This is the rest of your life. Could you see yourself tied to Sam?” Gabriel felt his breath stutter again, but for a different reason. It was important to him, but making this decision was clearly super important to Michael; the only time he’d ever seen his big brother so serious was when his mother was dying.

“I’ll think about it, Michael.”

XxX

Gabriel was careful to consider it, like he promised. He didn’t stop hanging with Donnie and Kali, but he stopped kissing Kali’s cheek and holding her hand. Kali wasn’t even upset, which kind of weirded Gabriel out for a little bit. After all, she’d kissed him first, but she didn’t even seem annoyed that he’d stopped doing couple-things with her.

“You have your soulmate, I have mine.” She said when he asked her about it one day. “I know we aren’t each other’s Soulmates. I thought you were cool, so why not?” Kali shifted a bit awkwardly, then leaned closer to Gabriel. “Besides, didn’t it feel weird? Knowing you had a soulmate and you were kissing someone else.”

“It did.” Gabriel hadn’t really thought about it until Kali brought it up, but there had been some weirdness surrounding them when they had been holding hands; it was gone now that they’d stopped, like some invisible force was lifted off of them.

“So it’s better this way.” Kali shook her long hair, pushing it out of her face with one hand, and grinning at him sharply. “Besides, you’re an awful kisser, Gabe, I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that.”

“No I’m not!” Gabriel spluttered, slightly offended. Kali laughed, shoving him to the side and making him stumble.

“Just a little bit.” She said. When Gabriel regained his footing, she slung her arm around his neck and pressed her temple against his. It was something they’d done often, even as small kids in the theater group. It was comforting, and Gabriel felt himself relax with the motion. “Don’t worry, though, I promise I won’t tell your soulmate anything.”

“You better not.” Gabriel muttered, thinking about Sam again. “Or I’ll tell your soulmate about the time in theater when- - -ack!” Kali threw him again, harder this time, and he hit the ground hard.

“Wait!” Donnie’s voice interrupted Gabriel’s attempt at standing; he appeared suddenly between the two, his hands out placatingly. Gabriel frowned at him, concerned, until Donnie continued, “please, don’t fight. Breakups are messy, but- - -”

“We’re not breaking up, you idiot.” Kali crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “Honestly, we weren’t even really together.” Donnie tilted his head to the side, his blue eyes narrowed and considering on Kali; she sighed heavily and reached out, pulling Gabriel up easily.

Then she pressed a kiss to his cheek, making a dramatic smacking sound as she pulled away.

“I’m sorry for knocking you to the floor.” She said, and Gabriel snorted.

“I forgive you.” He told her with a posh air. Donnie laughed loudly, wrapping both of them in a tight hug that pushed his breath out of his lungs. “That is, if our dad here can handle dealing with the kids when they get along.”

XxX

Castiel looked serious as he came into Gabriel’s room, and he looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow before removing his headphones; he forgot that Castiel didn’t seem to pick up on social cues, and wouldn’t take the hint that Gabriel wanted to be left alone. Castiel fidgeted a bit, looking grave and uncertain, before he spoke.

“Gabriel, do you know if I have a soulmark?” Gabriel worried his bottom lip, eyes sliding to the side of the room. Soulmates, and soulmarks in general, weren’t really a popular topic in their house after all. He wondered what he should say, then decided he didn’t particularly care; considering his own soulmate was so close, he felt it a bit hypocritically to not want to talk about them.

“Yea, kiddo, you’ve got one too.” Gabriel could see it clearly, even though it was covered by Castiel’s clothes and hidden along the back of his shoulders; it said ‘ _Damn, Cas, you’ve sure gotten a lot bigger since the last time I saw you._ ’ When Gabriel had been younger, he’d traced the words with his fingertips, thinking of angel wings sprouting out of Castiel’s back.

“Do you know who mine is?” Castiel asked, a bit hopefully. Gabriel pursed his lips, shaking his head just a little regretfully. He didn’t actually know; nobody had ever said that to Castiel, not in earshot of him anyway, and Castiel’s shoulders slumped just a little. He swallowed, then looked up at his brother from under his dark lashes. “Do you know who yours is?”

“Yes.” Gabriel said quietly. Castiel waited a beat, then nodded when no other information was forthcoming. Gabriel glanced to the side, his mouth twisting a little.

“Did you know,” Castiel started in an awkward voice; like he wasn’t sure what else he should say and was trying to change the subject. “Mrs. Winchester died a while ago. Dean told me to pass the message along, because you’d been friends when you were younger.”

“Mary died?” Gabriel sat up at that, eyes wide and uncertain. “When?” Castiel shrugged one of his shoulders, the movement easy now that they weren’t talking about Soulmates anymore.

“Some time ago, I suppose.” Castiel said. “She died, and John vanished. Their uncle moved in with them, I suppose.” Gabriel sat on his bed, his mind whirring away.

Mary had died. It made his heart feel heavy in his chest, and Gabriel didn’t even wonder that he was upset about her loss; Mary had been someone sweet and endearing, and she’d known that Gabriel was Sam’s soulmate. She had pushed for Sam and Gabriel to be together. It was terrible to hear she’d died.

“What were you doing at the Winchester house anyway?” Gabriel asked faintly, his mind still reeling from the news. Castiel shrugged, rolling his shoulders slowly.

“Class project.” He said. “I got paired with Sam Winchester and we thought it best to start it at his house. It’s quieter, you know, less older brothers trying to get in the way.”

“I wouldn’t get in the way!” Gabriel shot back, but he stopped for a moment and squinted at his brother. “Sam’s in your class?” Castiel frowned at him.

“Sam’s always been in my class.” He said. “He’s only a little younger than I.”

“I know that.” Gabriel leaned against the wall. “But Dean went to the public school a little ways away, no? So I figured Sam would go as well.” Now that he thought about it, maybe he should have seen it earlier; it never occurred to him that if Sam went to the public school, he wouldn’t be in a position to walk by him after school. Gabriel felt a bit stupid, but he didn’t tell his brother.

“Well he doesn’t.” Castiel said. His voice got a little harder, the tone he got in it when he was being stubborn. “And you would get in the way, Gabriel, you always do.”

Gabriel feigned being insulted, but his mind ran in different directions at once.

XxX

He walked with Castiel the next day to the Winchester house, marching in like he owned the place and dragging his baby brother along with him. Gabriel had done it all the time when he was younger, and he only debated long enough to get to the door. He dumped Castiel on Sam, pushing the younger boy into Sam’s room and making his way to Dean’s room without even stopping. He’d almost said a greeting to Mary, clenching his teeth against the words as he burst into Dean’s room.

Dean was understandably startled; he and Gabriel hadn’t spoken in nearly ten years at this point. Gabriel let him yell at him, not even defending himself, for almost an hour. He waved away Sam and Castiel, peering around the side of the door. He told the older man who was living with them, their uncle Bobby apparently, that everything was ok.

And when Dean, tired from yelling, plopped down on his bed next to Gabriel, the Novak held his hand out quietly.

Dean glanced at it and laughed under his breath, throwing his arm around Gabriel instead and scraping his knuckles against his skull.

XxX

Things changed a bit, after that.

Gabriel and Dean hung out more throughout their high school years, despite going to different schools; Dean came to Gabriel’s plays and competitions, dragging his little brother along with him. They didn’t sit with Gabriel’s family, at first, but Gabriel’s family always got the best seats in the house and even though Gabriel could see the awkwardness from backstage, it went away fairly quickly.

Gabriel went to Dean’s football games, dragging Castiel along with him so that his little brother could try to socialize with normal people; Castiel seemed to have a weird fixation on Dean, though, and he wouldn’t take his eyes off the elder Winchester for anything. So Gabriel gave it up as a lost cause and proceeded to torment Sam, who was also at his brother’s games.

Sam was an absolute delight to torment, which Gabriel found out very quickly. He would turn red, and his little nose would scrunch up in irritation, and Gabriel thought that it was the cutest thing a kid could do. He found himself irritating Sam whenever he could, just so Sam could glower down at him with barely-concealed frustration.

For a year and a half things were falling into a pattern that felt natural to Gabriel; Dean and Sam over at their house, or Gabriel and Castiel over at the Winchesters’. Dean called Castiel ‘Cas’, and Gabriel came up with a variety of nicknames that ranged from ‘Sammy’ (in honor of Mary, of course) to ‘Samsquatch’ (due to the fact that he shot up to tower above all of them so quickly). He never really saw John, the boys’ dad just an empty space in an otherwise loving home, but Bobby was pretty cool as a guy and a much better father figure from what Gabriel could tell.

And then Sam hit junior high.

XxX

“And who’s this?” Gabriel stopped just in the entryway of the Winchester house, two months into the new school year; the set up of the Winchester house meant that from the front door, he could see the dining room and Sam, doing his homework with a very pretty little blonde girl that didn’t look much older than his soulmate.

“I’m Jess.” The girl said, smiling sunnily. Gabriel felt his own mouth twitch upwards in response, and he bowed a little dramatically. Sam buried his face in his hands, but Gabriel saw the way he tilted his head towards Jess’s giggles.

“This is Gabriel.” Sam said, his voice only slightly muffled. “He’s my brother’s friend, he lives next door.” Gabriel felt his own smile become a tad forced- - - _my brother’s friend_ , as if Sam didn’t think of him as a friend at all- - -and felt something in his stomach drop at the way Sam smiled at Jess; he looked slightly love-struck, and Gabriel was surprised at the twist of his gut.

He didn’t love Sam yet, not really. The kid was almost thirteen, but Gabriel was already close to seventeen and the thought of loving Sam like that was cringeworthy. But there was still a feeling of possessiveness that Gabriel didn’t like, and he tried to force it away as he stood in front of the door. It wasn’t like Sam _knew_ they were Soulmates anyway, and Gabriel had messed around a bit with Kali. Still did, even though they never officially had ‘a thing’ like they tried when they were twelve. But this was different; Gabriel could tell by the way Jess ducked her head, embarrassed, and the way Sam never really took his eyes off her.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Gabriel said something he didn’t remember in order to abscond his way to Dean’s room. He was hitching a ride with the Winchesters to his latest play performance; Luke, unsurprisingly, had gotten arrested due to dealing and needed to be bailed out.

While Michael and his dad drove to get Luke, Gabriel had thought he’d hang out with the neighbors. But now all he could focus on was Sam sitting innocently downstairs with Jess, with that love struck look on his face. It twisted something in his chest, and Gabriel rubbed on that spot absently while Dean got ready to leave. He couldn’t exactly pinpoint why he felt so heavy; for a split second, just a quick one, Gabriel imagined seeds taking root in his lungs.

He banished the thought almost the second it came, dismissing it as paranoia. Gabriel was old enough now, at sixteen, to know that his mother had contracted the soulmate disease; Hanahaki, a flower that took root in unreciprocated love affairs and Soulmates, effectively smothering the inflicted to death. It sounded like a horrible way to go, and from what Gabriel could remember, it was.

Dying from Hanahaki at sixteen sounded eerily similar to the dramatics Gabriel did on a daily basis, and he wasn’t willing to admit his fears to Dean just yet. So he pushed them down, as far into the recesses of his mind as he could, and turned his thoughts back onto his school play coming up.

Downstairs, he could hear Sam and Jess laugh together.

XxX

After a year of having Jess shadow them every time they went anywhere, Gabriel was more than surprised to see Sam laying on his rooftop one night, staring at the stars in the sky. Without thinking much of it, Gabriel pulled himself up as well, laying next to Sam. They lay there in silence for a long moment before Sam finally opened his mouth without turning to face Gabriel at all.

“Do you believe in Soulmates, Gabriel?” He asked quietly, and Gabriel licked his lips. He thought carefully about his answer, not knowing what to say or what to do. In the near quiet of the night, he could hear Michael and Luke yelling at each other. They were fighting a lot more than usual, Gabriel noted as he rubbed his chest absently, the fights growing worse and worse over the past two years.

They were too similar, his brothers, and where Michael had a strict ‘follow the rules’ personality, Luke was more of a free spirit. It had been cute when he was young and could just barely control his anger. It was much less adorable now at eighteen, when he was on the cusp of adulthood and independence. Luke had gotten pulled into drugs, much further than he’d been before, and was starting to get careless. They were all worried about him, of course, but none more so than Michael.

“I do, kiddo.” Gabriel said as something shattered in his house. Sam didn’t even wince, just sat up and wrapped his arms around his knees. He looked smaller than thirteen now, his face turned down as he made shapes in the shingles on the roof.

“Jess moved to California.” Sam admitted a few moments later. He sounded heartbroken, and Gabriel instinctively sat up and wrapped his arm around Sam’s shoulders. “She said we’d keep in contact, but California’s so far away…”

“You don’t think you’ll be able to keep talking to her?” Gabriel asked, his heart wrenching in his chest. He hadn’t expected Sam to be so broken up about Jess leaving, but he supposed it made sense. Sam was so different from him and Kali, or even Dean; he was the type of kid who would fall for someone not his soulmate, and then actually miss them when they were gone. It wasn’t fair, to him or to Sam, but that was the way Sam was. He was a gentle soul, with too much love to contain in his own heart.

“She’s got her own soulmate.” Sam wiped his eyes discreetly, his shoulders starting to shake. “She could meet him in California. And then she won’t talk to me like before.” Sam took a shuddering breath, and Gabriel held onto him tighter. “It’s not fair.”

“I know, kiddo.” Gabriel said soothingly, rubbing Sam’s arm. “Life sucks, doesn’t it?”

“No, Soulmates suck.” Sam said. His voice was riddled with derision, and Gabriel felt his heart stutter and his breath catch. _Seeds_ , he thought a bit nonsensically. His hand automatically went to his chest, though there wasn’t any pain there for the moment. “I hate this. This whole soulmate thing sucks. I wish I didn’t have to deal with it at all.”

“Hold on, now, Sammy- - -”

“No.” Sam pulled away. He looked determined, his lower lip wobbling just a bit as he glowered fiercely at Gabriel. “You can’t honestly think that this whole-whole thing about Soulmates is good. What happens to people who don’t find them? Or who find them too late?” His hand went to his own wrist, and his voice lowered. “Or if your soulmate isn’t the person you want it to be?”

Gabriel felt something shatter in his heart, some fragile little hope that he’d started festering when he was twelve and being told by Michael he had to choose Sam or not. Sam looked so heartbroken over Jess, and Gabriel wanted to reassure him, but he didn’t know how. All he could do was hug Sam close to him again, both boys listening as Michael and Luke yelled at each other.

Gabriel had stopped rubbing his chest, but the painful ache had just started.

XxX

Gabriel lay on his bed, his window open and listen to Sam arguing with his girlfriend heatedly, the both of them really tearing into each other. Dean wasn’t home, having taken Cas out for the night to hang out. Bobby was apparently having a date night with Ellen, his own girlfriend, and Gabriel’s father and brother were out with their lawyer.

Luke had gotten arrested again, on a much more serious charge than he’d been before over the past three years. His dealings had grown, apparently. He’d started selling closer to home, and he’d gotten caught by a parent who worried too much about their kid.

Police searched his car, the slightly beat up one their dad had given Luke when he turned sixteen, and hit a jackpot: there was so much cocaine and meth to keep Luke imprisoned indefinitely based on possession alone. Gabriel almost didn’t recognize his brother when they arrested him; Luke was thrashing and snarling, eyes lit up with rage and desperation. He’d shouted abuse at their father, at Michael, blaming Gabriel and Castiel and the family next door for his life choices. Luke had looked completely feral.

It’d been about a week or so of quiet, the whole family in shock and unease, before the fighting started at the Winchester house.

Sam’s girlfriend, who he’d been seeing for about a year now, had been a customer of Luke’s. She blamed Sam for Luke getting caught, and Sam blamed Gabriel, which meant he wasn’t talking to anyone in the neighboring household. Dean was furious, mostly at his brother and himself for not noticing how Ruby was dragging Sam down, and at Michael for not controlling Luke better.

He was only barely talking to Gabriel, and Sam wasn’t talking to him at all. Gabriel didn’t mind Dean so much- - -once he got his head together they’d be fine- - -but he worried about Sam. Especially the more he and Ruby were fighting lately; it seemed that _that_ particular relationship was going down in flames. Gabriel felt quietly pleased at that thought, and completely furious with himself for doing so.

Ruby screamed something final sounding, slamming the door closed behind her. She reappeared several moments later, still snarling loud enough to be heard as she slammed the door to her car and left. Gabriel sighed heavily, wondering if perhaps that would be the last he saw of her.

He didn’t bet on it; Ruby seemed to have a habit of reappearing at least once a week to fight with Sam.

What did surprise him was the loud noise against his window. Gabriel jumped, staring at the windowpane, uncertain if it actually happened. He stalled long enough that the next projectile, a book, hit spine first and left a hairline crack on his window.

Eyebrow raised, Gabriel hefted himself off of his bed and to the window. Sam was leaning out of his own window, another book in his hand aimed at him. Gabriel raised an eyebrow, more at the way Sam looked than anything else, but disguised it by tracing the crack on the window. Sam didn’t even have the gall to look sheepish, just pointed upwards. Gabriel watched as Sam shakily pulled himself onto the roof, waiting until he was sure that Sam was secure before following suit.

It felt strange, climbing onto the roof. He didn’t do it with Dean, because Dean had this irrational fear of heights that seemed to have developed in his younger years. But ever since Jess had left, Sam had stopped going onto the roof, and Gabriel had did the same. It’d been three years, yet Gabriel found himself going through the motions easily: first onto his roof, then a quick jump onto Sam’s. He wavered for a bit, but he didn’t fall.

Sam looked so much worse up close, Gabriel thought. He was withdrawn into an old sweatshirt, which looked a minimum of three sizes too big, his face was thinner than Gabriel had ever seen it and pale, making the dark bags under his eyes stand out even more. Sam shivered in the cold and Gabriel automatically wrapped his arm around the kid’s shoulders; Sam tensed, but didn’t move.

“What’s going on, kiddo?” Gabriel asked gently.

“I don’t know.” Sam muttered. He sounded thick, like he was congested, but he didn’t try to clear his throat. “I don’t know where to go from here, Gabriel. What do I do?”

“What do you want to do?” Gabriel asked him. Sam shivered some more, pulling the sweater tighter around him, and Gabriel started to wonder if Sam was really cold or if he was just going through withdrawals. He wondered which of the two options was better; Sam being this thin on his own was horrible, but the fact that he’d gotten enough drugs into his system to cause withdrawals was not something Gabriel wanted to think about.

“I don’t know.” Sam started crying; he was quiet, but his shoulders were shaking and his voice was wavering in weird ways. He sounded worse, in a way, thicker and more congested. Gabriel’s heart skipped. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“Well.” Gabriel paused and leaned down, putting his head on Sam’s. “Let’s start simple. Do you like Ruby?”

“I thought I did.” Sam whispered. “At first, I thought I did. I don’t know now.” Gabriel waited, his heart in his throat, as Sam sighed. “Jess had found her soulmate. And Ruby was interested in me anyway, because she didn’t have one. And I…I thought…” Sam trailed off, not continuing until Gabriel rubbed his shoulder. “I figured that since I don’t want my soulmate anyway, maybe we could be together.”

He’d known, on some level, that Sam didn’t really want him. It was something else entirely to have it confirmed, and Gabriel felt something in his chest ache at the thought, a steady one that grew just a little. He couldn’t force Sam to want him any more than he could make himself stop, though, and so Gabriel pushed that hurt to the side to be dealt with later.

“Ok, that’s fine.” He said gently. “But do you still want to be together with her?” Sam shook his head, the movement making his head bump against his shoulder. Gabriel took a shaky breath, letting it out slowly. “So first step would be to cut her out. Right?”

“Right.” Sam said slowly. He was still crying, but it was slowing. “How?”

“Stop talking to her.” Gabriel said. “Ignore her at school. Don’t pick up the phone when she calls. Don’t even answer the door anymore. Just shut her out.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“I know, Samsquatch.” Gabriel said soothingly. He rubbed Sam’s shoulder gently. “It’ll be hard. And you’ll want to give in. But you have to be strong. I know you’re stronger than this, Sammy. You can do it.”

“Thanks, Gabriel.” Sam said quietly, after a long moment of silence. Gabriel didn’t say anything back, just hugged him closer to his side.

It was ridiculous, the lengths he would go to for this kid. Gabriel wondered if it was because Sam was his soulmate, and he immediately pushed the thought to the side. Even if Sam wasn’t, he’d grown up with this kid. They had something better than Soulmates, and Gabriel found himself wishing he could believe that.

XxX

Michael sat down next to him, leaning against the wall in the same way Gabriel was. The Winchester house was quiet, but Gabriel hadn’t found the strength to move; it was almost as if he could still hear Sam’s voice, now mumbling whatever it was he said when he was sleeping.

“Gabriel, please.” Michael said, breaking the silence between them with a gentle whisper. “This isn’t a game, and it isn’t something you should be taking lightly. You can’t leave.”

“Sam doesn’t want me, Michael.” Gabriel whispered back. “You heard him. He doesn’t want anything to do with his soulmate at all. I can’t be here to fall apart right next to him while he does nothing to save me.”

“He’s a kid, Gabriel.” Michael shot back. “He’s only eighteen, he doesn’t know what he wants yet. He doesn’t know- - -”

“It doesn’t matter if he knows or not.” Gabriel said softly. “Sam knows himself. If he wanted his soulmate, if even a shred of him in his mind wanted something to do with this, he wouldn’t have called it a flawed system that forced people to bow to the whim of something else.” The words stung in Gabriel’s chest, and he raised a hand to rub at it; that weird ache had been bothering him all night, and it was the first he’d shown any sign of discomfort. Michael’s dark eyes tracked the movement, his lower lip going between his teeth. “Maybe I’ll find someone who’ll have me even if we’re not Soulmates.”

“You know Mom and Dad weren’t soulmates.” He said quietly. Gabriel opened his mouth- - -this wasn’t exactly news at this point in time- - -but Michael cut him off before he could speak. “I know you know this. They didn’t particularly hide it, even when we were kids. But…Mom met her soulmate shortly after she’d had Castiel, and he didn’t want anything to do with her. They were both married already, both with families, and he loved his wife more than he wanted to love Mom. And Mom…” Michael’s voice broke just a little.

“Don’t, Mikey, c’mon,” Gabriel tried, but Michael ignored him; he set his jaw, sniffled once, and continued.

“Mom wasn’t strong enough to love Dad more than her soulmate.” He finished. Gabriel felt his breath stutter; he had vague memories of his mother, mostly soft hands and gentle words that spoke of warmth and love when she wanted. But Michael had so much more time with her. He had a clear picture of her, not just a stolen photograph seen only in the light of the moon. He was the first born, the one who suffered the most from their mother’s death. “She got sick. Contracted Hanahaki’s Disease.”

“Michael…”

“It’s horrifying.” Michael took Gabriel’s hand in his own, holding it tightly. The twenty-six year old took in a shuddering breath, closing his eyes tightly against whatever was in his mind. “Watching her go through that…it was heartbreaking. Even as a child. The flowers…there was so much coughing and so much blood. She was in so much pain, all the time. It took almost a year for it to finally kill her. And Mom…she had one of the best-case scenarios. I’ve researched…most cases take at least three. Worst case, it’s nearly six years.” Gabriel rubbed his brothers hand with his fingertips, feeling tears well up in his own eyes at his brother’s pain. “Please, Gabriel, don’t just leave. Consider your options.”

“I have.” Gabriel said gently. “I’m not making this decision lightly, Michael. But I can’t take away my love for Sam. I never would have been able to do that.” Michael bent his head down, shaking it gently. “And I can’t let you guys watch me waste away like that. It’s not fair to you, or Dad, or Castiel, or even Sam. I have to leave, Michael.”

“I’m sorry, Gabriel.” Michael shook his head, tears trailing slowly down his face. “I’m sorry things couldn’t be different.”

“It’s not your fault.” Gabriel told him. He wrapped his arm around Michael in an awkward, one armed hug that brought his older brother against his shoulder. Sighing just a bit through his nose, Gabriel rubbed Michael’s arm as he said, “whelp, you’ve got one brother run off with the cartel and one brother dying of Hanahaki. Sure got some interesting family stories to share now.”

It didn’t make him feel better, saying it out loud. Gabriel felt his chest shudder with the words, because reality hit him hard the second he admitted it: he was going to die of Hanahaki’s Disease, just as his mother did before him. He wasn’t entirely sure how that made him feel.

But Michael snorted wetly, sounding as amused as he could. He shoved Gabriel away, forcing the younger to topple over and land on the floor.

Gabriel counted it a win.

XxX

Gabriel shot Castiel a text back, pocketing his phone and making his way to the kitchen. It was their compromise, the one he’d set up with his brothers and father before he left. He texted one of them at least once a day, so that even if they didn’t watch his decline, they’d know if something happened to him. Gabriel wasn’t sure it was the best idea; he didn’t like the idea of them finding his body and seeing how badly it had affected him. He didn’t have much of a choice, though. There wasn’t any other way for him to leave.

Michael hadn’t been kidding when he said that Hanahaki was painful. Gabriel couldn’t really feel anything but pain at this point in time; his breathing got shallow and raspy, and the moment his plane landed, he started coughing. It hadn’t been too bad at first, but it slowly evolved into a sort of agony he’d never experienced before.

He didn’t even cough up petals right away, which surprised him. His coughing fits were long and harsh for a couple of months, but the first thing to come up was blood. It didn’t bode well, and Gabriel hadn’t felt any more helpless than he had in that one moment, staring down in slight horror at his blood-filled palm. He’d panicked badly, practically flying to the hospital and waiting with ill-hid impatience.

Gabriel thought that the first thing that would have come up would be petals, but apparently every case of Hanahaki was different. His was a bizarre case, his doctor said. There were only a handful where the patient coughed up blood first instead of the petals, though neither was more deadly than the other. The difference came from how the patient was treated; apparently the pain Gabriel had been feeling in his chest on and off since he was a teen was the Hanahaki taking root in his lungs. It was passively rooting in his lungs until the day Gabriel landed. Then it activated, digging sharply into the softness of the organs they’d wrapped around.

He couldn’t say if it was faster to die this way or not; Gabriel’s doctor had given him four years that first appointment, and hadn’t drastically lowered that time span in the year he made his appointments. Gabriel was probably holding out better than he’d thought, but it was still hard. The pain was a constant in his life now, and Gabriel was terrified of how much worse he still would get before he died.

His phone buzzed again, making him jump a bit and pull it out as he heated up the amount of water he’d need for his cup of noodles; he didn’t feel like making dinner tonight.

‘ _Sam’s been looking for you. Wants to know where you’ve vanished off to._ ’ Gabriel sighed, thumbing his screen contemplatively.

Sam was never far from his mind these days. He was, after all, the reason behind the Hanahaki, but Gabriel never seemed to be able to blame him for that. He treasured Sam too much, his personality and his friendship, to even think about wanting to forget him. He’d wondered, in that small section of time between Michael telling him about his mother and his going away, why his mother had never gotten the surgery. She had four kids and a marriage, and her soulmate clearly had no qualms about cutting out his own flowers to stay with his wife.

Gabriel had never felt more connected with his mother until now, when he was clinging to life and his flowers with all his might. He couldn’t imagine letting go of the one person who was meant for him, whether Sam had wanted it or not. It was funny, in an ironic sort of way, that Gabriel understood his mother now more than ever.

‘ _Don’t tell him, Cassie._ ’

‘ _Don’t call me that, Gabriel. This isn’t right. He’s your soulmate, he deserves to know._ ’

‘ _You promised me you wouldn’t, Cas, don’t you dare._ ’ There was a really long time between his short answer and Castiel’s. It made Gabriel nervous, and he fidgeted with his fork while he waited for a response. It wasn’t until he was pouring out the water from the pot that his phone buzzed, and he nearly burned his hand trying to unlock his phone.

‘ _Whatever you say, Gabriel._ ’

XxX

It was horrible.

Michael hadn’t told Gabriel the full extent of Hanahaki. Maybe he didn’t know; most likely it was because he didn’t want Gabriel to be unsure of his decisions. Either way, he hadn’t given Gabriel enough information so that he could be properly prepared.

He hadn’t been home for two and a half years. Gabriel only talked to his family, Dean when he wanted to be particularly masochistic, or Kali and Donnie, and only ever on the phone. Hanahaki had affected him terribly; he had bags under his eyes, and a near constant shortness of breath and chest pain. He was so much thinner than he’d ever been, and flower petals had finally joined the blood in his coughs. Just fragments so far, not too bad, but they were combined with an intense ripping pain from his lungs.

He texted Michael- - -‘ _Still kicking for the moment; regretting this Hanahaki shit just a bit_ ’- - -and leaned his head against the wall of his room. His doctor was trying to urge him to get the surgery to remove it, a bit more insistently now that the petals were coming up regularly. He only had a year and a half, after all, and he was still so young.

Castiel was being a lot more stubborn as well, though his solution was the opposite: he wanted Gabriel to talk to Sam, to come back home and work things out. Sam missed him, Castiel insisted, and he was hurt that Gabriel wasn’t talking to him, and he couldn’t figure out what he’d done to make Gabriel leave. For a little brother that was more than a little socially inept, Castiel was fairly good at making his older brother feel like shit.

Gabriel tried not to talk to Castiel too much. He was already in pain physically and didn’t need the emotional pain to go along with it.

His phone vibrated in his hand, and Gabriel pulled it up to look at it. Michael never usually texted back right away, preferring to wait about an hour to talk about virtually anything else, and Gabriel knew for a fact that Castiel was hanging out with Dean for the moment. He hadn’t really spoken to Luke at all ever since he’d been arrested, and he had no idea where he was now that he’d broken out.

‘ _Hey, Gabe._ ’ Gabriel wasn’t sure what it was, but he felt something cold settle in his chest at the two words. They looked so unassuming on his screen, but Gabriel felt like throwing his phone across the room. Someone had a hold of Castiel’s phone, and Gabriel was about ninety percent sure that it wasn’t Dean.

Fuck, he wasn’t prepared for this conversation at all. He really, really hoped it was Dean on the other end.

‘ _Cas?_ ’ He texted back, fingers shaking the slightest bit as he sent the message. It seemed to take forever to send, and the wait for a reply was even longer. He spent the time hoping firmly that it was Castiel, even though he had a gut feeling that it wasn’t 

‘ _It’s Sam._ ’

The two words sent another shiver down Gabriel’s spine, and he caught the blood and petals as they slipped from his mouth. Clearing his abused throat, he dumped the mess in his hand into the trash can by his sofa.

‘ _Heya, Samsquatch._ ’ He texted back, struggling as he tried to clean his hand and type at the same time. ‘ _How’ve you been?_ ’

‘ _Can we meet somewhere? I feel we need to talk._ ’

XxX

Gabriel bundled up as much as he could. Part of it was the cold; despite only being September, he was in a state of constantly freezing. The doctor said it was likely to the amount of blood he was losing on a steady basis, and Gabriel was more than inclined to believe him; he’d never had this issue before he got Hanahaki, so it was the only explanation.

The other part was, of course, Sam.

The last time Gabriel had seen anyone from home, he was healthy as he could be. Now he was hollow and gaunt, his face pasty and dark bags under his eyes. Gabriel sat in the corner of the café and winced as he spotted his reflection in the window; Sam was going to be in for one hell of a surprise when he showed up.

A knocking on the table jolted Gabriel, and he realized that he’d dozed off while sitting alone. Embarrassed, he rubbed his eyes and glanced up to see who it was who’d interrupted his impromptu nap.

Dammit, this was why he didn’t go anywhere anymore.

Almost instantly, Gabriel had the wind knocked out of him. It had been a long time since he’d seen anyone familiar, and the sight of Sam looking down on him was a welcome one; Sam was so much taller than he’d remembered, with shaggy brown hair and a set to his jaw that spoke of his own determination.

Then, of course, the Hanahaki flared up and Gabriel bent over double as he coughed. Blood coated his hand, like normal, but the petals wouldn’t come up. Gabriel coughed and coughed, barely hearing Sam’s panicked voice as he focused on getting the lump out of his abused throat. He gagged wetly, coughed one more time, and finally felt the petals dislodge into his hand.

Clearing his throat awkwardly, Gabriel took a shuddering breath in an attempt to fill his lungs; they ached fiercely, and when he glanced down he figured out why: a blood-drenched marigold sat in his palm, only slightly damaged from the trip up his throat. A hand tightened on his shoulder, and Gabriel was brought back to the present. He automatically clenched his fist, looking up with watering eyes at Sam.

Sam, who looked horrified and shaken, reached around behind him for the chair. It took him a couple of moments, but when he found it, he pulled it over to Gabriel’s side and sat down. His hand never left Gabriel’s shoulder, and it tightened almost painfully the longer it stayed. Gabriel didn’t say anything about it; he relished the pain, choosing to focus on that rather than the pain in his throat or the one in his chest.

“Heya, Sammy.” He rasped out. Sam winced, rubbing his free hand over his face.

“Ok.” He said, the word coming out on the tail end of a long sigh. He looked vaguely lost, like he wasn’t entirely sure of what to do, and Gabriel couldn’t really stand to see him flounder.

“Haven’t seen you in a while.” Gabriel coughed again, a regular cough this time instead of a flower-inducing one, but the sound of it made Sam’s eyes widen in panic. Clearing his throat, Gabriel soldier on determinedly. “You’re looking good. How’s Stamford?”

“Don’t change the subject, Gabriel.” Sam snapped. “How long?” Gabriel shrugged helplessly, not sure how to answer. How long did he have left? How long had he had Hanahaki? There were at least a couple of answers he could give Sam, none of which Sam would like. He was quiet for too long; Sam leaned forward, finally taking his hand from Gabriel’s should to steeple them together. “How long do you have left, Gabriel?”

“Maybe…” Gabriel coughed again, “about a year?” Sam echoed him incredulously, and Gabriel shrugged his shoulder as nonchalantly as he could. He’d had a year and a half, truthfully, but he didn’t know how seeing Sam again would affect the disease. It already made it a little worse, but coughing up full flowers and knowing how much time exactly he had left at this point where different things.

Sam sighed heavily at that, running his hand through his hair and then down his face. He looked irritated, and vaguely terrified, and just a little sad. Gabriel licked his lips, wondering if there was anything he could do to help Sam; probably not, but he didn’t even really have the energy to try. It was getting draining just sitting here, and he wanted to go home so he could get some rest. And maybe call his doctor, because the man needed to know that the Hanahaki got worse.

Sam grabbed his hand, and Gabriel blinked rapidly. He must’ve zoned out; Sam just looked worried now, his thumb rubbing small circles into the back of Gabriel’s hand.

“Who is it?” He repeated, and Gabriel had to process the question for a moment before it finally sunk in. He glanced out of the window, as if it would save him from having to answer, and let the silence linger between them. “You’re not going to tell me?”

“It doesn’t matter, Sam.”

“The hell it doesn’t matter!” Sam’s voice got louder, and Gabriel jerked himself back to facing the taller Winchester. He looked furious, and more determined than Gabriel had seen him before. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Obviously,” Gabriel said slowly, “it’s not going to be a thing, Sam. You’re a smart boy, even you can see the fact that I have Hanahaki means I’m not wanted.” Sam opened his mouth to argue, and Gabriel cut him off before he could even say a word. “And I’m not going to get the surgery, I’m not willing to do that.”

“So your option is to give up and die?” Sam asked harshly. Gabriel shrugged one shoulder, leaning back against his seat. He looked Sam over again; tall, and healthy, with longer hair than Gabriel remembered and darker skin. He’d grown up to be a real handsome guy, Gabriel’s personal bias aside, and he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever be able to give Sam up now that he’d seen him again.

“That’s the plan, kiddo.” Gabriel cleared his throat again, desperate to change the subject. “So how’s college? You went to California, right? Did you ever find Jess?”

“Gabriel, this is serious!” Sam snapped. “You can’t just let this happen to you! Who is it?”

“Let it go, Sam.” He said softly. Sam scoffed, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms in irritation. They sat in silence for a few moments, Gabriel studying Sam and Sam glaring out the window. He was about to repeat his questions from a couple minutes ago when Sam spoke.

“When I was younger,” he started, “I saw you around a lot. We were neighbors, it happened. You always waved at me, and smiled like you were seeing an old friend.” Gabriel squinted at him, not sure where this was going. Sam flushed a bit at the intent gaze, but soldiered on. “As a kid, y’know, you don’t really need much for a little crush.”

“Sam, don’t.” Sam turned to him, eyes flashing.

“You don’t get to do this to us, Gabriel.” He said harshly. “Your family is worried sick, and so are your friends. This disease isn’t just killing you, it’s killing all of us!”

“My soulmate doesn’t want me.” Gabriel said, his voice just above whispering. People were starting to look at them, he could tell, but his eyes were for Sam only. “That’s what this disease means. And who am I to- - - ”

“You’re Gabriel Novak.” Sam said. “Your family and friends miss you, and even though I’m so pissed off I could throttle you, even I want you to come back.” They sat in silence again, Gabriel glancing out the window as he rubbed his chest absently.

Sam…wanted him back home? It was a nice thought, but it felt so cruel to Gabriel. He’d gone away so that his family and friends wouldn’t see him suffer. So that Sam wouldn’t have to see how this whole situation was, quite literally, killing him. To ask him to go home, now, when he had so little time left…

He didn’t think Sam could be so cruel.

“When we first…” Sam cleared his throat, gaining Gabriel’s attention. Something felt…off about this whole meeting all of a sudden, and Gabriel wasn’t quite sure what it was. “Remember when you saved me from those guys? Azazel and his gang. It was a little while ago, I think.”

“Yea, I think you were like eight or nine, something like that.” Gabriel said. “Even as a kid, you picked fights you couldn’t win on your own.” Sam laughed, kind of hollowly, and nodded his agreement. “Why are you bringing that up?”

“As a kid, I liked you a lot.” Sam admitted softly. “And when you saved me, I thought…” He shifted a bit, looking awkward until he said, “I knew you’d been friends with Dean. When you guys were little. I’d hoped that…that maybe you’d be the one who would be my soulmate.”

Gabriel’s breath caught and stopped, and he couldn’t even feel any flowers coming up. Pain bloomed in his chest, more violent than he’d ever felt before, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Sam. His heart pounded in his ears, and he could barely hear Sam as he kept talking.

“I wanted so bad for it to be you, and I was so disappointed when it wasn’t. But then you had Kali and I had Jess, and the less said about Ruby the better, but I figured I could just let it be. But now…” Sam sighed and ran his hand through his hair again. He sounded a little choked up as he continued. “It’s too late…but I thought that maybe now, we could…ignore the soulmates thing. Be together anyway.”

“Sam…”

“It was stupid.” Sam cleared his throat this time, looking down and fidgeting his hands. “I thought maybe we could have something better, something more meaningful.” He peered up, just a little shyly, as he said, “I love you, Gabriel. I’ve pretty much always have.”

Gabriel couldn’t breathe; physically, he was unable to. The pain that blossomed in his chest was strengthening with each moment, squeezing his lungs and making him grip the edges of the table tightly in his hand. He couldn’t hear was Sam was saying anymore. It wasn’t important, not when all Gabriel could focus on was the pain and the fact that Sam rejected his soulmate without knowing he wanted him. The whole situation was comically ridiculous, or would be once Gabriel felt some semblance of better.

The pain eased slowly, and then it passed. Gabriel felt something catch in his throat, something much bigger than usual, and no amount of coughing seemed to dislodge it. Sam was panicking, Gabriel could tell, but there wasn’t anything he could do or say to abate it; he was focused on his blocked airways, and the fact that Sam had his hand on his shoulders and was leading him out of his chair.

He coughed all the way to the hospital, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth and down his chin. His lungs were burning, and his throat was feeling raw and sore. Sam was talking frantically, but Gabriel wasn’t sure what he was saying. His vision darkened and came back, and then he was gone.

XxX

Gabriel startled awake, twisting automatically and coughing over the edge of his bed. He felt drained, but there wasn’t anything coming out of his throat. It was a normal cough, then, he thought as he sat up, not a flower one. Distantly, he heard the beep of a machine, and he wearily glanced up.

The hospital, then. Gabriel sat back a little more, frowning in confusion. He didn’t really remember coming to the hospital. Actually, he didn’t remember much of anything at the moment. He knew he was staying alone, but he couldn’t really recall why. He hummed, just a little, and rubbed at his chest absently.

There was some gauze wrapped around him, and Gabriel looked down at it curiously. His fingertips traced the wrap, taped carefully just under his collarbone…

Oh shit.

The door opened and Gabriel looked to it, dread beginning to grow in his stomach at the sight of the doctor making his way into his room. The man was looking at his clipboard, a pen spinning idly in his fingers.

“I didn’t want the surgery.” Gabriel said quietly. His voice was hoarse and raspy, and Gabriel knew that no amount of clearing his throat would make it sound normal. He cleared it anyway.

“I know, Mr. Novak.” The doctor said amicably. He sounded a bit puzzled as he made his way to Gabriel’s bedside, sitting in the chair he’d only just noticed was there. “The surgery you had was, unfortunately, a necessity in saving your life.”

“I didn’t want my life saved, and you know it.” Gabriel snapped. “That was the whole point of this. If I’d wanted the damn surgery, I’d have gotten it when the disease first started!” He coughed harshly, not bothering to lean over. What was the point now? It’s not like the flowers or blood was going to come up. “I wasn’t having Hanahaki for shits and giggles, doc!”

“I understand that, Mr. Novak.” The doctor made a note on his clipboard, then flipped a couple of pages over. He unfolded a page, then turned it so that Gabriel could see.

It was an X-ray. Gabriel studied it, his frown deepening with the image he was taking in: it was, presumably, his lungs as they were. He’d never seen them before. They were beautiful, in a twisted, horrific way. The vines looked thick as they wrapped around the soft organs, and Gabriel could see the outlines of the buds and blooms as they forced themselves around his lungs.

“So these were your lungs a couple of days ago.” The doctor said, and Gabriel made a noncommittal noise as he examined the images. It was almost fascinating to look at, so much so that he actually made a noise of discontent when the doctor flipped the page. “And these are your lungs as of now.”

The image was not a beautifully horrifying; his lungs looked a bit deformed and crushed, and Gabriel imagined that he could see the imprints of the vines. Worse, it didn’t look like the doctor had surgically removed them. Rather, they looked as if the vines had been pulled from the root. There was a dark spot on each lung, and it was those that Gabriel chose to focus on.

“What’s that spot?” He asked.

“Those are where the vines originated from.” The doctor said patiently. “The…roots, if you will. They were torn up pretty violently, and your lungs started bleeding. Your friend here managed to get you here very quickly.”

“My friend?” Gabriel echoed, right as Sam cleared his throat at his right. He jumped a bit, whipping his head around to face the taller man. Warmth bloomed in his chest at the sight of him, familiar and so relieving to feel right at this moment.

“Hey, Gabe.” Sam said sheepishly, and Gabriel could’ve kissed him. Except, of course, then he started coughing and Sam jumped about five feet backwards.

“Heya, Samsquatch.” Gabriel rasped quietly, smiling tiredly up at him. His hand, which had landed on the bed, flipped upside down so that San could take it. Sam did, easing forward again as he did so. “We’ve got more to discuss.”

XxX

His lungs healed as best as they were going to, Gabriel supposed. Having Hanahaki for so long, even if it was dormant for the majority of his life, meant that his lungs were never going to be the same. He had issues breathing, with too much physical exertion, and anytime he coughed panic would lace through his chest.

Michael had been overjoyed to have him back home, and he helped the most with Gabriel’s recovery. Chuck was very obviously relieved to have not lost his son to the same disease that took his wife, though he was a bit odd about it. Castiel had that smug little brother look, which Gabriel wasn’t sure how he managed to pull off when he only tended to have the one expression.

Sam _hovered_ , at least for the first couple of months, and while Gabriel couldn’t say he minded, per say, it was still weird to have him constantly right beside him at all times.

But Gabriel persevered. He continued his acting, though he didn’t have the capacity for the actual dramatics and kept to management, and Sam was convinced to go back to California o finish his studies with the promise that Gabriel would still be alive when he came back. When the day Gabriel was scheduled to die came up, he spent it with Michael, Castiel, and Dean, laying around the house and skyping with Sam.

He was more prone to pneumonia and anything that would affect his lungs; it was the consequence of living with Hanahaki for so long, and it would stay with him as long as he lived.

But he had Sam now, Sam and the little bundle of hyperactivity they called their dog.

There wasn’t any way he could’ve been happier.


End file.
